Items with the red CP logo are available in our Cafepress.com store. Click on the logo to view all products (hats, t-shirts, mugs, and other gift items) for that author or quote.

Quotable Quotes on CafePress Products

CP Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
- Edgar Bergen, US comedian & ventriloquist (1903 - 1978)

CP What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?
- Irv Kupcinet

CP Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
- Elbert Hubbard, US author (1856 - 1915)

CP Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.
- Evan Davis

CP Ours is an age of criticism, to which everything must be subjected. The sacredness of religion, and the authority of legislation, are by many regarded as grounds for exemption from the examination by this tribunal, But, if they are exempted, and cannot lay claim to sincere respect, which reason accords only to that which has stood the test of a free and public examination.
- Immanuel Kant, German philosopher (1724 - 1804)

CP I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
- Jackie Mason, US comedian (1934 - )

CP Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard, US author (1856 - 1915)

CP It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
- Jackie Mason, US comedian (1934 - )

CP Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.
- Elbert Hubbard, US author (1856 - 1915)

CP We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
- Jean Cocteau, French dramatist, director, & poet (1889 - 1963)

CP The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
- Hubert H. Humphrey, US politician (1911 - 1978)

CP Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.
- Jane Wagner

CP All the world's a cage.
- Jeanne Phillips

CP Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat.
- Sir Julian Huxley, English administrator & biologist (1887 - 1975)

CP Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.
- Adrienne E. Gusoff, US teacher, humorist and greeting card writer

CP I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.
- Adrienne E. Gusoff, US teacher, humorist and greeting card writer

CP Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
- Isaac Asimov, US science fiction novelist & scholar (1920 - 1992)

CP Living in a vacuum sucks.
- Adrienne E. Gusoff, US teacher, humorist and greeting card writer

CP Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
- Philip Johnson, US architect (1906 - 2005)

CP Blame someone else and get on with your life.
- Alan Woods

CP There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- Henry Kissinger, US (German-born) diplomat & scholar (1923 - )

CP The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law.
- Alex Levin

CP We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.
- Jeff Marder

CP Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.
- Fran Lebowitz, US writer and humorist (1950 - )

CP I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.
- Stephen Leacock, Canadian economist & humorist (1869 - 1944)

CP The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
- Jay Leno, US comedian & television host (1950 - )

CP Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.
- Jerry Garcia

CP Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
- Fran Lebowitz, US writer and humorist (1950 - )

CP You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
- Indira Gandhi, Indian politician (1917 - 1984)

CP In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.
- Douglas Adams, English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 - 2001)

CP It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young.
- Konrad Lorenz, German (Austrian-born) ethologist (1903 - 1989)

CP I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny...'
- Isaac Asimov, US science fiction novelist & scholar (1920 - 1992)

CP The three fundamental Rules of Robotics...One: a robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm...Two:..a robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law...Three: a robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First and Second Laws.
- Isaac Asimov, US science fiction novelist & scholar (1920 - 1992)

CP The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.
- Jane Wagner

CP The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
- Niels Bohr, Danish physicist (1885 - 1962)

CP There's no fool like an old fool --- you can't beat experience.
- Jacob Braude

CP I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
- Bill Cosby, US comedian & television actor (1937 - )

CP Never judge a book by its movie.
- J.W. Eagan

CP History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely when they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban, Israeli (S. African-born) diplomat & politician (1915 - 2002)

CP The test of a first-fate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald, US novelist (1896 - 1940)

CP Bond. James Bond.
- Ian Fleming, British novelist (1908 - 1964)

CP I could prove God statistically.
- George Gallup, US statistician & pollster (1901 - 1984)

CP Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.
- Jane Wagner

CP Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
- Groucho Marx, US comedian with Marx Brothers (1890 - 1977)

CP Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The only completely consistent people are dead.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.
- Jerome K Jerome

CP You think that's noise - you ain't heard nuttin' yet!
- Al Jolson

CP Mistakes are the portals of discovery.
- James Joyce, Irish author (1882 - 1941)

CP It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- Jerry Seinfeld, US comedian & television actor (1954 - )

CP In a mad world only the mad are sane.
- Akira Kurosawa, Japanese movie director (1910 - 1998)

CP Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat
- John Lehman, US administrator (1942 - )

CP Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
- John Lennon, English singer & songwriter (1940 - 1980)

CP Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.
- J.P. McEvoy

CP One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
- A. A. Milne, English juvenile author (1882 - 1956)

CP A person who trusts no one can't be trusted.
- Jerome Blattner

CP All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.
- George Orwell, English essayist, novelist, & satirist (1903 - 1950)

CP The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
- Mark Russell, US comedian, political commentator, & satirist (1932 - )

CP Everything has been figured out except how to live.
- Jean-Paul Sartre, French author & existentialist philosopher (1905 - 1980)

CP Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now -- always.
- Albert Schweitzer, French philosopher & physician (1875 - 1965)

CP Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
- Albert Schweitzer, French philosopher & physician (1875 - 1965)

CP I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer, French philosopher & physician (1875 - 1965)

CP In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
- Albert Schweitzer, French philosopher & physician (1875 - 1965)

CP I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.
- J. R. R. Tolkein

CP If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
- Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

CP Shopping is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping you can make an exchange for something you really like.
- Adrienne Gusoff

CP I love my kids, but I wouldn't want them for friends.
- Janet Sorensen

CP We owe something to extravagance, for thrift and adventure seldom go hand in hand.
- Jenny Jerome Churchill

CP Women who buy perfume and flowers for themselves because their men won't do it are called ``self basting.''
- Adair Lara

CP Opportunity knocked. My doorman threw him out.
- Adrienne Gusoff

CP Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.
- Jackie Onassis

CP If the shoe fits, it's too expensive.
- Adrienne Gusoff

CP Having something to say is overrated.
- Adair Lara

CP Pushing forty? She's hanging on for dear life.
- Ivy Compton-Burnett

CP Cynicism is an unpleasant way of telling the truth.
- Lillian Hellman, US dramatist (1905 - 1984)

CP I'm never going to be famous. I don't do anything, not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
- Dorothy Parker, US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)

CP One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.
- Jean Kerr

CP Our ability to delude ourselves may be an important survival tool.
- Jane Wagner

CP Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he _becomes_ polite.
- Jean Kerr

CP As I was walking up the stair I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today. I wish, I wish he'd stay away.
- Hughes Mearns

CP People don't live nowadays --- they get about ten percent out of life.
- Isadora Duncan

CP Falling out of love is very enlightening. For a short while you see the world with new eyes.
- Iris Murdoch, British novelist (1919 - 1999)

CP It should be a very happy marriage --- they are both so much in love with him.
- Irene Thomas

CP One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty.
- Jane Austen, English novelist (1775 - 1817)

CP We met Dr. Hall in such deep mourning that either his mother, his wife, or himself must be dead.
- Jane Austen, English novelist (1775 - 1817)

CP I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me that trouble of liking them.
- Jane Austen, English novelist (1775 - 1817)

CP There exists no politician in India daring enough to attempt to explain to the masses that cows can be eaten.
- Indira Gandhi, Indian politician (1917 - 1984)

CP For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn?
- Jane Austen, English novelist (1775 - 1817)

CP The cry of equality pulls everyone down.
- Iris Murdoch, British novelist (1919 - 1999)

CP This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
- Dorothy Parker, US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)

CP Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
- Fran Lebowitz, US writer and humorist (1950 - )

CP One man's folly is another man's wife.
- Helen Rowland, (1876 - 1950)

CP My husband said he wanted to have a relationship with a redhead, so I dyed my hair.
- Jane Fonda

CP It's not a bad idea to get in the habit of writing down one's thoughts. It saves one having to bother anyone with them.
- Isabel Colegate

CP Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real.
- Iris Murdoch, British novelist (1919 - 1999)

CP Most people ignore most poetry because most poetry ignores most people.
- Adrian Mitchell

CP Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their pedestals.
- Agnes Repplier, US essayist (1855 - 1950)

CP The tourist may complain of other tourists, but he would be lost without them.
- Agnes Repplier, US essayist (1855 - 1950)

CP ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
- Ambrose Bierce, US author & satirist (1842 - 1914)

CP Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.
- Christopher Morley, US author & journalist (1890 - 1957)

CP I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
- Jane Wagner

CP I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
- Ogden Nash, US humorist & poet (1902 - 1971)

CP I am just going outside and may be some time.
- Captain Lawrence Oates, (1880 - 1912)

CP I used to wake up at 4 A.M. and start sneezing, sometimes for five hours. I tried to find out what sort of allergy I had but finally came to the conclusion that it must be an allergy to consciousness.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.
- George Orwell, English essayist, novelist, & satirist (1903 - 1950)

CP It had only one fault. It was kind of lousy.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine.
- Sir William Osler, British (Canadian-born) physician (1849 - 1919)

CP Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
- Alexander Pope, English poet & satirist (1688 - 1744)

CP I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
- Dorothy Parker, US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)

CP Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.
- Laurence J. Peter, US educator & writer (1919 - 1988)

CP Life is a long lesson in humility.
- James M. Barrie, Scottish dramatist & novelist (1860 - 1937)

CP The only limits are those of vision.
- James Broughton

CP You may regret your silence once, but you will regret your words often.
- Ian Gabirol

CP What is ten thousand years? Time is short for one who thinks, endless for one who yearns.
- Alain

CP Dream lofty dreams, as you dream, so shall you become. Your vision is the promise of what you one day shall be: your ideal is the prophecy of what you shall at last unveil.
- James Allen

CP The man who follows the crowd will get no farther than the crowd. A man who walks alone is likely to get places no one has ever been before.
- Alan Ashley-Pitt

CP The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
- Alan Patrick Herbert

CP Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
- Mark Twain, US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

CP The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
- Jean Kerr

CP This is the devilish thing about foreign affairs: they are foreign and will not always conform to our whim.
- James Reston, (1909 - )

CP Acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from coughing.
- Sir Ralph Richardson, (1902 - 1983)

CP No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt, US diplomat & reformer (1884 - 1962)

CP Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
- Isaac Asimov, US science fiction novelist & scholar (1920 - 1992)

CP Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths.
- Bertrand Russell, British author, mathematician, & philosopher (1872 - 1970)

CP Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery, French writer (1900 - 1944)

CP Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
- Albert Camus, French existentialist author & philosopher (1913 - 1960)

CP My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
- Steven Wright, US comedian and actor (1955 - )

CP Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.
- Carl Sandburg, US biographer & poet (1878 - 1967)

CP He has a splendid repertoire of 500 words. Why does he insist on using only 150?
- Abba Eban, Israeli (S. African-born) diplomat & politician (1915 - 2002)

CP I call that a scumhead.
- James Joyce, Irish author (1882 - 1941)

CP Nobody loves me but my mother, And she could be jivin' too.
- B. B. King

CP For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty people who don't want to learn--much.
- W. C. Sellar and R. J. Yeatman

CP Thought: why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only for food: frequently there must be a beverage.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
- Alan Kay

CP I don't want to become immortal through my work, I want to become immortal through not dying.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP When I received the Nobel Prize, the only big lump sum of money I have ever seen, I had to do something with it. The easiest way to drop this hot potato was to invest it, to buy shares. I knew that World War II was coming and I was afraid that if I had shares which rise in case of war, I would wish for war. So I asked my agent to buy shares which go down in the event of war. This he did. I lost my money and saved my soul.
- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, US (Hungarian-born) biochemist (1893 - 1986)

CP When I was one-and-twenty, I heard a wise man say, Give pounds and crowns and guineas, But not your heart away." Give pearls away and rubies, But keep your fancy free." But I was one-and-twenty, No use to talk to me.
- A.E. Houseman

CP Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity.
- Albert Camus, French existentialist author & philosopher (1913 - 1960)

CP If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation.
- Tom Stoppard, British dramatist & screenwriter (1937 - )

CP I take the view, and always have, that if you cannot say what you are going to say in twenty minutes you ought to go away and write a book about it.
- Lord Brabazon, (1884 - 1964)

CP Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
- Cyril Connolly, (1903 - 1974)

CP A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
- Samuel Goldwyn, US (Polish-born) movie producer (1882 - 1974)

CP As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein, US (German-born) physicist (1879 - 1955)

CP Our love is God. Lets go grab a slushie.
- J.D.

CP If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves there wouldn't be enough to go around.
- Christina Stead, Australian novelist & short story author (1903 - 1983)

CP Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
- Andy Rooney, US news commentator (1919 - )

CP When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
- Theodore Roosevelt, 26th president of US (1858 - 1919)

CP In an optimal world, I would not be necessary.
- James Price Salsman

CP For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum.
- J.W. Schopf

CP Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction.
- E. F. Schumacher

CP Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
- George Bernard Shaw, Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 - 1950)

CP I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
- Solomon Short

CP Pay no attention to what the critics say; there has never been set up a statue in honor of a critic.
- Jean Sibelius, Finnish composer & patriot (1865 - 1957)

CP When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself.
- Isaac Bashevis Singer, US (Polish-born) Jewish author (1904 - 1991)

CP The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.
- John Sladek

CP Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!
- Tommy Smothers

CP I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr., US diplomat & Democratic politician (1900 - 1965)

CP A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular.
- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr., US diplomat & Democratic politician (1900 - 1965)

CP Its better to know some of the questions, than all of the answers.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
- Henrik Tikkanen

CP 'I wish life was not so short,' he thought. 'Languages take such a time, and so do all the things one wants to know about.'
- J. R. R. Tolkien, British scholar & fantasy novelist (1892 - 1973)

CP A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
- Bill Vaughan

CP A witty saying proves nothing.
- Voltaire, French author, humanist, rationalist, & satirist (1694 - 1778)

CP Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
- Voltaire, French author, humanist, rationalist, & satirist (1694 - 1778)

CP One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid.
- J. D. Watson

CP Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
- Wernher von Braun, US (German-born) rocket engineer (1912 - 1977)

CP I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
- Joe Walsh

CP Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?
- Artemus Ward, US humorist (1834 - 1867)

CP In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.
- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr., US diplomat & Democratic politician (1900 - 1965)

CP My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
- Orson Welles, US actor & director (1915 - 1985)

CP A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the library.
- Westheimer's Discovery

CP Two and two continue to make four, in spite of the whine of the amateur for three, or the cry of the critic for five.
- James McNeill Whistler

CP Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
- Oscar Wilde, Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

CP Thats why I was running the debugger, I didn't want it to crash.
- Aaron Wohl

CP Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together ...
- Carl Zwanzig

CP Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.
- Wernher von Braun, US (German-born) rocket engineer (1912 - 1977)

CP A diplomat... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
- Caskie Stinnett

CP Senescent judges show how patriotic they are by passing out hard sentences for tearing up a draft card or following one's conscience according to the principles established by our country at the Nuremburg trials.
- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, US (Hungarian-born) biochemist (1893 - 1986)

CP We must laugh before we are happy, for fear we die before we laugh at all.
- Jean de La Bruyere, French moralist (1645 - 1696)

CP The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands.
- Alexander Penney

CP Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
- Ogden Nash, US humorist & poet (1902 - 1971)

CP Eternity's a terrible thought. I mean, where's it all going to end?
- Tom Stoppard, British dramatist & screenwriter (1937 - )

CP If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst at once into the sky that would be like the splendor of the Mighty One... I am become Death, the Shatterer of Worlds.
- J. Robert Oppenheimer, US administrator & astrophysicist (1904 - 1967)

CP I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.
- Alan Watts

CP Simplicity is the peak of civilization.
- Jessie Sampter

CP Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.
- Simeon Strunsky, (1879 - 1948)

CP A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only to be right but also to be wrong.
- Thomas Szasz

CP I am at two with nature.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP We are indeed much more than what we eat, but what we eat can nevertheless help us to be much more than what we are.
- Adelle Davis

CP Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.
- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, US (Hungarian-born) biochemist (1893 - 1986)

CP A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
- Bert Leston Taylor

CP Her own mother lived the latter years of her life in the horrible suspicion that electricity was dripping invisibly all over the house.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP The farther behind I leave the past, the closer I am to forging my own character.
- Isabelle Eberhardt

CP I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
- Shirley Temple, US actress, dancer, & diplomat (1928 - )

CP One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
- Nancy Astor, British politician (1879 - 1964)

CP Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them.
- Paul Valery, French critic & poet (1871 - 1945)

CP It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
- Gore Vidal, US author & dramatist (1925 - )

CP Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.
- Billy Wilder, US (Austrian-born) movie director (1906 - 2002)

CP The most powerful factors in the world are clear ideas in the minds of energetic men of good will.
- J. Arthur Thomson

CP After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.
- Frank Zappa, US musician, singer, & songwriter (1940 - 1993)

CP There are few nudities so objectionable as the naked truth.
- Agnes Repplier, US essayist (1855 - 1950)

CP 1. Never tell everything at once.
- Ken Venturi

CP It is in his pleasure that a man really lives; it is from his leisure that he constructs the true fabric of self.
- Agnes Repplier, US essayist (1855 - 1950)

CP Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.
- Adelle Davis

CP 2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.
- Grabel's Law

CP A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
- Mark Twain, US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

CP It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny.
- Jean Nidetch

CP Even God cannot change the past.
- Agathon, (448 BC - 400 BC)

CP Look to your health; and if you have it, praise God and value it next to conscience; for health is the second blessing that we mortals are capable of, a blessing money can't buy.
- Izaak Walton, English biographer & fishing author (1593 - 1683)

CP I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
- Paula Poundstone

CP A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.
- Senator Everett Dirksen, US politician (1896 - 1969)

CP It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not.
- James Gordon

CP A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
- Granville Hicks, (1901 - 1982)

CP It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.
- Margaret Bonnano

CP A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
- Mark Twain, US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

CP Happiness: a good bank account, a good cook and a good digestion.
- Jean Jacques Rousseau, French political philosopher (1712 - 1778)

CP A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.
- Ludwig Erhard, German economist & politician (1897 - 1977)

CP Exercise alone provides psychological and physical benefits. However, if you also adopt a strategy that engages your mind while you exercise, you can get a whole host of psychological benefits fairly quickly.
- James Rippe

CP A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.
- German Proverb

CP Curious things, habits. People themselves never knew they had them.
- Agatha Christie, English mystery author (1890 - 1976)

CP We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh.
- Agnes Repplier, US essayist (1855 - 1950)

CP A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
- Unknown, Quotations by unknown authors

CP I don't think necessity is the mother of invention - invention, in my opinion, arises directly from idleness, possibly also from laziness. To save oneself trouble.
- Agatha Christie, English mystery author (1890 - 1976)

CP A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.
- G. K. Chesterton, English author & mystery novelist (1874 - 1936)

CP In every power, of which taste is the foundation, excellence is pretty fairly divided between the sexes.
- Jane Austen, English novelist (1775 - 1817)

CP A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw, Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 - 1950)

CP We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them.
- Abigail Adams, US wife of John Adams 1764 (1744 - 1818)

CP Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
- Steven Wright, US comedian and actor (1955 - )

CP A Hospital is no place to be sick.
- Samuel Goldwyn, US (Polish-born) movie producer (1882 - 1974)

CP A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
- H. L. Mencken, US editor (1880 - 1956)

CP A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
- Robert Frost, US poet (1874 - 1963)

CP Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.
- Abigail Van Buren, US advice columnist (1918 - )

CP I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming that comes when you finish the life of the emotions and of personal relations; and suddenly find - at the age of fifty, say - that a whole new life has opened before you, filled with things you can think about, study, or read about...It is as if a fresh sap of ideas and thoughts was rising in you.
- Agatha Christie, English mystery author (1890 - 1976)

CP A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
- Robert Frost, US poet (1874 - 1963)

CP A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
- George Bernard Shaw, Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 - 1950)

CP A lifetime is more than sufficiently long for people to get what there is of it wrong.
- Piet Hein, Danish designer, physicist, poet, & puzzle inventor (1905 - )

CP A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
- Saki, British (Burman-born) short story author (1870 - 1916)

CP The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning.
- Ivy Baker Priest

CP A little more moderation would be good. Of course, my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation.
- Donald Trump, US real estate construction & development businessman (1946 - )

CP I begin to think, that a calm is not desirable in any situation in life....Man was made for action and for bustle too, I believe.
- Abigail Adams, US wife of John Adams 1764 (1744 - 1818)

CP A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
- Fats Domino, US musician, singer, & songwriter (1928 - )

CP After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
- Cato the Elder, Roman orator & politician (234 BC - 149 BC)

CP A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde, Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

CP Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.
- Jeanne Moreau

CP J.F.K.--The Man and the Airport
- Unknown, Quotations by unknown authors

CP A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things.
- Herman Melville, US novelist & sailor (1819 - 1891)

CP A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
- Segal's Law

CP A motion to adjourn is always in order.
- Robert Heinlein, US science fiction author (1907 - 1988)

CP A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes.
- James Feibleman

CP A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.
- Alexander Hamilton, US (Scottish-born) lawyer & politician (1755 - 1804)

CP A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
- George Wald, US biologist (1906 - )

CP A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
- Joey Adams

CP Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression.
- Isaac Bashevis Singer, US (Polish-born) Jewish author (1904 - 1991)

CP A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.
- John Tudor

CP Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
- Thomas A. Edison, US inventor (1847 - 1931)

CP A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
- Joseph Stalin, Georgian Soviet politician (1879 - 1953)

CP A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
- Unknown, Quotations by unknown authors

CP America is a mistake, a giant mistake.
- Sigmund Freud, Austrian psychologist (1856 - 1939)

CP A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.
- Tennessee Williams, US dramatist (1911 - 1983)

CP Good company and good discourse are the very sinews of virtue.
- Izaak Walton, English biographer & fishing author (1593 - 1683)

CP Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
- Edgar Allan Poe, US short story author, editor, & poet (1809 - 1849)

CP Next in importance to freedom and justice is popular education, without which neither freedom nor justice can be permanently maintained.
- James A. Garfield, 20th president of US 1881 (1831 - 1881)

CP Men are wise in proportion, not to their experience, but to their capacity for experience.
- James Boswell, Scottish author & biographer (1740 - 1795)

CP Be not the first by whom the new are tried, Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.
- Alexander Pope, English poet & satirist (1688 - 1744)

CP Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.
- Ronald Reagan, 40th president of US (1911 - 2004)

CP Happiness is not something you experience, it's something you remember
- Oscar Levant, (1906 - 1972)

CP Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer, French philosopher & physician (1875 - 1965)

CP My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated, but not signed.
- Christopher Morley, US author & journalist (1890 - 1957)

CP Understand that legal and illegal are political, and often arbitrary, categorizations; use and abuse are medical, or clinical, distinctions.
- Abbie Hoffman, US radical activist (1936 - 1989)

CP Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
- Al Capp, US cartoonist (1909 - 1979)

CP A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top.
- James Reston, (1909 - )

CP Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
- Ambrose Bierce, US author & satirist (1842 - 1914)

CP It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP Chastity: the most unnatural of the sexual perversions.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP A chic type, a rough type, an odd type - but never a stereotype
- Jean-Michel Jarre

CP The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it.
- James Agate

CP Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.
- Fred Allen, US radio comedian (1894 - 1956)

CP My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.
- Jean Rostand, (1894 - 1977)

CP Every government is run by liars and nothing they say should be believed.
- I.F. Stone

CP The argument that making contraceptives available to young people would prevent teen pregnancies is ridiculous. That's like offering a cookbook as a cure to people who are trying to lose weight.
- Jerry Falwell, US clergyman & conservative commentator (1933 - )

CP History is a set of lies agreed upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte, French general & politician (1769 - 1821)

CP All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
- Samuel Butler, English composer, novelist, & satiric author (1835 - 1902)

CP Early to rise and early to bed Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP It is not enough to succeed; others must fail.
- Gore Vidal, US author & dramatist (1925 - )

CP Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
- Steven Wright, US comedian and actor (1955 - )

CP Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard, US author (1856 - 1915)

CP You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt.
- Ed Meese, US politician (1931 - )

CP I'm an idealist: I don't know where I'm going but I'm on my way.
- Carl Sandburg, US biographer & poet (1878 - 1967)

CP One man's religion is another man's belly laugh.
- Isacc Azimov

CP Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
- J. K. Galbraith

CP Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
- Ambrose Bierce, US author & satirist (1842 - 1914)

CP Kill one man and you are a murderer. Kill millions and you are a conqueror. Kill all and you are a God.
- Jean Rostand, (1894 - 1977)

CP Sleep is an eight-hour peep show of infantile erotica.
- J.G. Ballard

CP Let's face it...most relationships you have in life don't work out.
- Alex Bennett

CP Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends
- H. L. Mencken, US editor (1880 - 1956)

CP Did blind chance know that there was light and what was its refraction, and fit the eyes of all creatures after the most curious manner to make use of it? These and other suchlike considerations, always have, and always will prevail with mankind, to believe that there is a Being who made all things, who has all things in his power, and who is therefore to be feared.
- Isaac Newton, English mathematician & physicist (1642 - 1727)

CP Through all the world there goes one long cry from the heart of the artist: Give me leave to do my utmost.
- Isak Dineson

CP Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.
- Albert Camus, French existentialist author & philosopher (1913 - 1960)

CP What we call progress is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance.
- Havelock Ellis, English sexual psychologist (1859 - 1939)

CP Men have become the tools of their tools
- Henry David Thoreau, US Transcendentalist author (1817 - 1862)

CP Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
- Quentin Crisp

CP We all have the extraordinary coded within us, waiting to be released.
- Jean Houston

CP Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished.
- Jeremy Bentham, English jurist, philosopher, & legal reformer (1748 - 1832)

CP Addresses are given to us to conceal our whereabouts.
- Saki, British (Burman-born) short story author (1870 - 1916)

CP One of the delights known to age, and beyond the grasp of youth, is that of Not Going.
- J.B. Priestley

CP When I was young there was no respect for the young, and now that I am old there is no respect for the old. I missed out coming and going.
- J.B. Priestley

CP Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.
- Jack Paar

CP I'm a scientist; nothing shocks me.
- Indiana Jones

CP Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
- Groucho Marx, US comedian with Marx Brothers (1890 - 1977)

CP Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at that moment.
- Robert Benchley, US actor, author, & humorist (1889 - 1945)

CP Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.
- Lillian Hellman, US dramatist (1905 - 1984)

CP It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.
- Dick Cavett, US comedian & television host (1936 - )

CP I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
- Bill Cosby, US comedian & television actor (1937 - )

CP It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.
- Al Franken

CP There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first.
- Adela Rogers St. Johns

CP If you want to read about love and marriage, you have to buy two separate books.
- Alan King

CP Like its politicians and its wars, society has the teenagers it deserves.
- J.B. Priestley

CP Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.
- Actor Edmund Gwenn

CP No statue has ever been put up to a critic.
- Jean Sibelius, Finnish composer & patriot (1865 - 1957)

CP Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
- Ambrose Bierce, US author & satirist (1842 - 1914)

CP Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms.
- Alan Corenk

CP Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one.
- A.J. Liebling

CP All movements go too far.
- Bertrand Russell, British author, mathematician, & philosopher (1872 - 1970)

CP How could I lose to such an idiot?
- A shout from chess grandmaster Aaron Nimzovich

CP I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.
- Nancy Reagan, US 2nd wife of Ronald Reagan 1952 (1921 - )

CP Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
- Stephen Leacock, Canadian economist & humorist (1869 - 1944)

CP I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
- Jean Kerr

CP Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
- Napoleon Bonaparte, French general & politician (1769 - 1821)

CP Vote early and vote often.
- Al Capone, US gangster (1899 - 1947)

CP Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
- Fred Allen, US radio comedian (1894 - 1956)

CP What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
- Fred Allen, US radio comedian (1894 - 1956)

CP If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
- Doug Larson

CP Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
- Stephen Leacock, Canadian economist & humorist (1869 - 1944)

CP When you don't have any money, the problem is food. When you have money, it's sex. When you have both, it's health. If everything is simply jake, then you're frightened of death.
- J.P. Donleavy

CP Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
- Susan Ertz

CP There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it.
- Cicero, Roman author, orator, & politician (106 BC - 43 BC)

CP He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hope for the human condition is a fool.
- Albert Camus, French existentialist author & philosopher (1913 - 1960)

CP When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.
- Clarence Darrow, US defense lawyer (1857 - 1938)

CP Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
- Sam Levenson, (1911 - 1980)

CP The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
- Isaac Asimov, US science fiction novelist & scholar (1920 - 1992)

CP I know that poetry is indispensable, but to what I could not say.
- Jean Cocteau, French dramatist, director, & poet (1889 - 1963)

CP Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
- Henry Kissinger, US (German-born) diplomat & scholar (1923 - )

CP To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP The gods too are fond of a joke
- Aristotle, Greek critic, philosopher, physicist, & zoologist (384 BC - 322 BC)

CP What can you say about a society that says God is dead and Elvis is alive?
- Irv Kupcinet

CP Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
- Bill Watterson, US cartoonist (1958 - )

CP In the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, it's often useful to have a nice, solid piece of wood in your hands.
- Ian Faith

CP Democracy gives every man the right to be his own oppressor.
- James Russell Lowell, US diplomat, essayist, & poet (1819 - 1891)

CP Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?
- Clarence Darrow, US defense lawyer (1857 - 1938)

CP In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
- Frank Zappa, US musician, singer, & songwriter (1940 - 1993)

CP It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
- Tom Stoppard, British dramatist & screenwriter (1937 - )

CP We may eventually come to realize that chastity is no more a virtue than malnutrition.
- Alex Comfort

CP Justice is incedental to law and order.
- J. Edgar Hoover

CP The main thing is you and I should exist, and that we should be you and I. Apart from that let everything go as it likes. The best order of things to my way thinking, is the one I was meant to be part of, and to hell with the most perfect of worlds if I am not in it. I would rather exist, even as an impudent argufier, than not exist at all.
- Jean-Francois Rameau

CP After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered that the gasket has been omitted.
- De la Lastra's Corollary

CP Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
- Charles M. Schulz, US cartoonist (1922 - 2000)

CP A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
- Sir Winston Churchill, British politician (1874 - 1965)

CP It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak.
- Jay Leno, US comedian & television host (1950 - )

CP Philip Roth is a good writer, but I wouldn't want to shake hands with him.
- Jacqueline Susann

CP Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
- W. Somerset Maugham, English dramatist & novelist (1874 - 1965)

CP New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn's make a sudden move.
- David Letterman, US comedian & television host (1947 - )

CP A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch.
- James Beard

CP Every man thinks God is on his side. The rich and powerful know He is.
- Jean Anouilh, French dramatist (1910 - 1987)

CP If one is to be called a liar, one may as well make an effort to deserve the name.
- A.A. Milne

CP I don't want to see the uncut version of anything.
- Jean Kerr

CP People and things do not upset us, rather we upset ourselves by believing that they can upset us.
- Albert Ellis

CP Achievement is largely the product of steadily raising one's levels of aspiration and expectation.
- Jack Nicklaus, US golfer (1940 - )

CP The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest possible amount of feathers with the smallest amount of hissing.
- Jean Baptiste Colbert

CP It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin

CP If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
- Tallulah Bankhead, US movie actress (1903 - 1968)

CP My toughest fight was with my first wife.
- Muhammad Ali, US boxer (1942 - )

CP After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
- De La Lastra's Law

CP This book fills a much needed gap.
- Moses Hadas, (1900 - 1966)

CP Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it.
- Moses Hadas, (1900 - 1966)

CP Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
- Igor Stravinsky, Russian composer in US (1882 - 1971)

CP I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
- Elvis Presley, US rock singer (1935 - 1977)

CP Marriage is like paying an endless visit in your worst clothes.
- J.B. Priestley

CP A billion here, a billion there - pretty soon it adds up to real money.
- Senator Everett Dirksen, US politician (1896 - 1969)

CP Every law is an infraction of liberty.
- Jeremy Bentham, English jurist, philosopher, & legal reformer (1748 - 1832)

CP No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human nature.
- A.A. Milne

CP I propose getting rid of conventional armaments and replacing them with reasonably priced hydrogen bombs that would be distributed equally throughout the world.
- Idi Amin

CP What luck for rulers that men do not think.
- Adolf Hitler, German Nazi dictator, orator, & politician (1889 - 1945)

CP Sigmund Freud was a half baked Viennese quack. Our literature, culture, and the the films of Woody Allen would be better today if Freud had never written a word.
- Ian Shoales

CP Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
- Redd Foxx, US comedian (1922 - 1991)

CP Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
- Voltaire, French author, humanist, rationalist, & satirist (1694 - 1778)

CP Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
- Blake Clark

CP I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
- J. D. Salinger, US novelist & short story author (1919 - )

CP California is a great place to live if you're an orange.
- Fred Allen, US radio comedian (1894 - 1956)

CP There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval
- George Santayana, US (Spanish-born) philosopher (1863 - 1952)

CP After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'
- Ronnie Shakes

CP I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.
- Steven Wright, US comedian and actor (1955 - )

CP I hate women because they always know where things are.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP Truth is shorter than fiction.
- Irving Cohen

CP I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.
- Dorothy Parker, US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)

CP In Mexico we have a word for sushi: bait.
- Jose Simon

CP Facts are facts and will not disappear on account of your likes.
- Jawaharlal Nehru, Indian politician (1889 - 1964)

CP Man is only miserable so far as he thinks himself so.
- Jacopo Sannazaro

CP A country which proposes to make use of modern war as an instrument of policy must possess a highly centralized, all-powerful executive, hence the absurdity of talking about the defense of democracy by force of arms. A democracy which makes or effectively prepares for modern scientific war must necessarily cease to be democratic.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.
- Robert Graves, British author & classical scholar (1895 - 1985)

CP I know not, sir whether Bacon wrote the works of Shakespeare, but if he did not it seems to me that he missed the opportunity of his life.
- J.M. Barrie

CP By definition, a government has no conscience. Sometimes it has a policy, but nothing more.
- Albert Camus, French existentialist author & philosopher (1913 - 1960)

CP Examine each question in terms of what is ethically and aesthetically right, as well as what is economically expedient. A thing is right when it tends to preserve the integrity, stability, and beauty of the biotic community. It is wrong when it tends otherwise.
- Aldo Leopold

CP I enjoy being a highly overpaid actor.
- Roger Moore, English actor (1927 - )

CP You've got be careful about getting locked into open systems.
- IBM salesman

CP In Biblical times, a man could have as many wives as he could afford. Just like today.
- Abigail Van Buren, US advice columnist (1918 - )

CP The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist knows it.
- J. Robert Oppenheimer, US administrator & astrophysicist (1904 - 1967)

CP The most annoying trait of Right-Wing Outlaws in general is a lazy incuriosity about the real world. They know their lines, they're sure who the good guys and the bad guys are. Therefore they view the passing world as a kind of animated "Bartlett's Quotations" - that is, as handy source material with which to illustrate, rather than challenge, preconceived views.
- James Fallows

CP The Ten Commandments contain 297 words, the Bill of Rights 463 words, and Lincoln's Gettysburg Address 266 words. A recent federal directive regulating the price of cabbage contains 26,911 words.
- According to an article in the New York Times

CP Don't get the idea the I'm knocking the American system.
- Al Capone, US gangster (1899 - 1947)

CP Favorite color: I hate colors.
- Ian Shoales

CP Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
- Fred Allen, US radio comedian (1894 - 1956)

CP Nobody wants justice.
- Alan Dershowitz

CP ...a man may be a patriot without risking his own life or sacrificing his health. There are plenty of lives less valuable.
- James Mellon

CP I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.
- Adela Rogers St.John

CP Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.
- A. Sachs

CP A pious man is one who would be an athiest if the king were.
- Jean de La Bruyere, French moralist (1645 - 1696)

CP God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
- Paul Valery, French critic & poet (1871 - 1945)

CP Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it.
- Max Frisch

CP All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.
- Alexandre Dumas, French dramatist & novelist (1802 - 1870)

CP You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.
- Jeannette Rankin, US pacifist & politician (1880 - 1973)

CP Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau, US Transcendentalist author (1817 - 1862)

CP I hate quotations.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson, US essayist & poet (1803 - 1882)

CP Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.
- Alexander Pope, English poet & satirist (1688 - 1744)

CP In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you take.
- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr., US diplomat & Democratic politician (1900 - 1965)

CP Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.
- George Burns, US actor & comedian (1896 - 1996)

CP A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to comprehend his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

CP It is a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.
- Albert Camus, French existentialist author & philosopher (1913 - 1960)

CP Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home.
- David Frost

CP Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together...
- Carl Zwanzig

CP I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
- Albert Einstein, US (German-born) physicist (1879 - 1955)

CP The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood.
- Alexander Haig

CP Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
- Jules de Gaultier

CP As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein, US (German-born) physicist (1879 - 1955)

CP All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things.
- Bobby Knight, US basketball coach (1940 - )

CP Now is the time for all good men to come to.
- Walt Kelly, US animator & cartoonist (1913 - 1973)

CP Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
- Irwin Edman

CP A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck.
- James A. Garfield, 20th president of US 1881 (1831 - 1881)

CP A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still upset.
- James Gould Cozzens

CP An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
- H. L. Mencken, US editor (1880 - 1956)

CP The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.
- James Oppenheim

CP Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
- Ambrose Bierce, US author & satirist (1842 - 1914)

CP Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking.
- Jerome Lettvin

CP God made man, and then said I can do better than that and made woman.
- Adela Rogers St. Johns

CP Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.
- Frank Zappa, US musician, singer, & songwriter (1940 - 1993)

CP Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago.
- Bernard Berenson, US (Lithuanian-born) art critic (1865 - 1959)

CP If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention, than to any other talent.
- Isaac Newton, English mathematician & physicist (1642 - 1727)

CP If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln, 16th president of US (1809 - 1865)

CP It's our fault. We should have given him better parts.
- Jack Warner

CP Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.
- Claud Cockburn, (1904 - 1981)

CP I am a deeply superficial person.
- Andy Warhol, US artist (1928 - 1987)

CP A loving wife will do anything for her husband except stop criticizing him and trying to improve him.
- J.B. Priestley

CP Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
- Ambrose Bierce, US author & satirist (1842 - 1914)

CP Outer space is no place for a person of breeding.
- Lady Violet Bonham Carter, (1887 - 1969)

CP I do not want people to be agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them.
- Jane Austen, English novelist (1775 - 1817)

CP I am not sincere, not even when I say I am not.
- Jules Renard, (1864 - 1910)

CP The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German dramatist, novelist, poet, & scientist (1749 - 1832)

CP Promote yourself, but do not demote another.
- Israel Salanter

CP I know what love is: Tracy and Hepburn, Bogart and Bacall, Romeo and Juliet, Jackie and John and Marilyn....
- Ian Shoales

CP There are more bad musicians than there is bad music.
- Isaac Stern

CP A communist is a person who publicly airs his dirty Lenin.
- Jack Pomeroy

CP There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.
- Clint Eastwood, US movie actor & director (1930 - )

CP I passionately hate the idea of being with it. I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time.
- Orson Welles, US actor & director (1915 - 1985)

CP We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like.
- Jean Cocteau, French dramatist, director, & poet (1889 - 1963)

CP All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
- Sean O'Casey, Irish dramatist (1880 - 1964)

CP If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
- J. Paul Getty, US oil industrialist (1892 - 1976)

CP Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
- Lewis Mumford, US architect & sociologist (1895 - 1990)

CP I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce.
- J. Edgar Hoover

CP A husband should not insult his wife publicly, at parties. He should insult her in the privacy of the home.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP People are much too solemn about things - I'm all for sticking pins into episcopal behinds.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog.
- Jack London, US adventurer, author, & sailor (1876 - 1916)

CP I can't read ten pages of Steinbeck without throwing up.
- James Gould Cozzens

CP Who made the world I cannot tell; 'Tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled with such a deed.
- A. E. Housman, English classical scholar, poet, & satirist (1859 - 1936)

CP If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP Politicians are the same the world over: they promise to build a bridge even when there is no river.
- Nikita Khrushchev, Russian Soviet politician (1894 - 1971)

CP If the Prince of Peace should come to earth, one of the first things he would do would be to put psychiatrists in their place.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to belive it.
- Clarence Darrow, US defense lawyer (1857 - 1938)

CP Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
- Abraham Lincoln, 16th president of US (1809 - 1865)

CP Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
- Carl Zwanzig

CP Courtly love-poetry may first have been written during long periods of abstinence on the Crusades, but it would not have flourished in the cold of northern Europe without some help from the chimney.
- James Burke

CP Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
- George Ade, US dramatist & humorist (1866 - 1944)

CP What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.
- Jane Austen, English novelist (1775 - 1817)

CP The perfect host requires the perfect parasite.
- Adopted from Lance Fusco.

CP And thou shalt smite thine enemy even unto the wall, gnashing thy teeth, and he shall grow small in thy mirrors.
- Jeff Zurschmeide