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Quotable Quotes on CafePress Products

CP Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
- Edgar Bergen, US comedian & ventriloquist (1903 - 1978)

CP What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?
- Irv Kupcinet

CP Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.
- Elbert Hubbard, US author (1856 - 1915)

CP Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.
- Evan Davis

CP Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard, US author (1856 - 1915)

CP Editor: a person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff is printed.
- Elbert Hubbard, US author (1856 - 1915)

CP The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.
- Hubert H. Humphrey, US politician (1911 - 1978)

CP Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.
- Jane Wagner

CP Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat.
- Sir Julian Huxley, English administrator & biologist (1887 - 1975)

CP Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies.
- Adrienne E. Gusoff, US teacher, humorist and greeting card writer

CP I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.
- Adrienne E. Gusoff, US teacher, humorist and greeting card writer

CP Living in a vacuum sucks.
- Adrienne E. Gusoff, US teacher, humorist and greeting card writer

CP Architecture is the art of how to waste space.
- Philip Johnson, US architect (1906 - 2005)

CP Blame someone else and get on with your life.
- Alan Woods

CP There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
- Henry Kissinger, US (German-born) diplomat & scholar (1923 - )

CP The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law.
- Alex Levin

CP Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.
- Fran Lebowitz, US writer and humorist (1950 - )

CP I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.
- Stephen Leacock, Canadian economist & humorist (1869 - 1944)

CP Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
- Fran Lebowitz, US writer and humorist (1950 - )

CP In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.
- Douglas Adams, English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952 - 2001)

CP It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young.
- Konrad Lorenz, German (Austrian-born) ethologist (1903 - 1989)

CP I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny...'
- Isaac Asimov, US science fiction novelist & scholar (1920 - 1992)

CP The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
- Niels Bohr, Danish physicist (1885 - 1962)

CP I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
- Bill Cosby, US comedian & television actor (1937 - )

CP History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely when they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban, Israeli (S. African-born) diplomat & politician (1915 - 2002)

CP The test of a first-fate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald, US novelist (1896 - 1940)

CP I could prove God statistically.
- George Gallup, US statistician & pollster (1901 - 1984)

CP Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
- Groucho Marx, US comedian with Marx Brothers (1890 - 1977)

CP Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP Consistency is contrary to nature, contrary to life. The only completely consistent people are dead.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.
- Jerome K Jerome

CP You think that's noise - you ain't heard nuttin' yet!
- Al Jolson

CP In a mad world only the mad are sane.
- Akira Kurosawa, Japanese movie director (1910 - 1998)

CP Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat
- John Lehman, US administrator (1942 - )

CP Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
- John Lennon, English singer & songwriter (1940 - 1980)

CP One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
- A. A. Milne, English juvenile author (1882 - 1956)

CP All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.
- George Orwell, English essayist, novelist, & satirist (1903 - 1950)

CP The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
- Mark Russell, US comedian, political commentator, & satirist (1932 - )

CP Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now -- always.
- Albert Schweitzer, French philosopher & physician (1875 - 1965)

CP Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
- Albert Schweitzer, French philosopher & physician (1875 - 1965)

CP I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer, French philosopher & physician (1875 - 1965)

CP In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
- Albert Schweitzer, French philosopher & physician (1875 - 1965)

CP If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
- Harry S Truman, 33rd president of US (1884 - 1972)

CP Shopping is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping you can make an exchange for something you really like.
- Adrienne Gusoff

CP Women who buy perfume and flowers for themselves because their men won't do it are called ``self basting.''
- Adair Lara

CP Opportunity knocked. My doorman threw him out.
- Adrienne Gusoff

CP If the shoe fits, it's too expensive.
- Adrienne Gusoff

CP Having something to say is overrated.
- Adair Lara

CP Cynicism is an unpleasant way of telling the truth.
- Lillian Hellman, US dramatist (1905 - 1984)

CP I'm never going to be famous. I don't do anything, not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
- Dorothy Parker, US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)

CP As I was walking up the stair I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today. I wish, I wish he'd stay away.
- Hughes Mearns

CP This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
- Dorothy Parker, US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)

CP Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
- Fran Lebowitz, US writer and humorist (1950 - )

CP One man's folly is another man's wife.
- Helen Rowland, (1876 - 1950)

CP Most people ignore most poetry because most poetry ignores most people.
- Adrian Mitchell

CP Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their pedestals.
- Agnes Repplier, US essayist (1855 - 1950)

CP The tourist may complain of other tourists, but he would be lost without them.
- Agnes Repplier, US essayist (1855 - 1950)

CP ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
- Ambrose Bierce, US author & satirist (1842 - 1914)

CP Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.
- Christopher Morley, US author & journalist (1890 - 1957)

CP I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
- Jane Wagner

CP I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
- Ogden Nash, US humorist & poet (1902 - 1971)

CP I am just going outside and may be some time.
- Captain Lawrence Oates, (1880 - 1912)

CP The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.
- George Orwell, English essayist, novelist, & satirist (1903 - 1950)

CP One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine.
- Sir William Osler, British (Canadian-born) physician (1849 - 1919)

CP I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
- Dorothy Parker, US author, humorist, poet, & wit (1893 - 1967)

CP Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.
- Laurence J. Peter, US educator & writer (1919 - 1988)

CP What is ten thousand years? Time is short for one who thinks, endless for one who yearns.
- Alain

CP The man who follows the crowd will get no farther than the crowd. A man who walks alone is likely to get places no one has ever been before.
- Alan Ashley-Pitt

CP The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
- Alan Patrick Herbert

CP Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.
- Mark Twain, US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

CP This is the devilish thing about foreign affairs: they are foreign and will not always conform to our whim.
- James Reston, (1909 - )

CP Acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from coughing.
- Sir Ralph Richardson, (1902 - 1983)

CP No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt, US diplomat & reformer (1884 - 1962)

CP Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths.
- Bertrand Russell, British author, mathematician, & philosopher (1872 - 1970)

CP Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery, French writer (1900 - 1944)

CP Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
- Albert Camus, French existentialist author & philosopher (1913 - 1960)

CP My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
- Steven Wright, US comedian and actor (1955 - )

CP Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.
- Carl Sandburg, US biographer & poet (1878 - 1967)

CP He has a splendid repertoire of 500 words. Why does he insist on using only 150?
- Abba Eban, Israeli (S. African-born) diplomat & politician (1915 - 2002)

CP For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty people who don't want to learn--much.
- W. C. Sellar and R. J. Yeatman

CP Thought: why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only for food: frequently there must be a beverage.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
- Alan Kay

CP I don't want to become immortal through my work, I want to become immortal through not dying.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP When I received the Nobel Prize, the only big lump sum of money I have ever seen, I had to do something with it. The easiest way to drop this hot potato was to invest it, to buy shares. I knew that World War II was coming and I was afraid that if I had shares which rise in case of war, I would wish for war. So I asked my agent to buy shares which go down in the event of war. This he did. I lost my money and saved my soul.
- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, US (Hungarian-born) biochemist (1893 - 1986)

CP When I was one-and-twenty, I heard a wise man say, Give pounds and crowns and guineas, But not your heart away." Give pearls away and rubies, But keep your fancy free." But I was one-and-twenty, No use to talk to me.
- A.E. Houseman

CP Too many have dispensed with generosity in order to practice charity.
- Albert Camus, French existentialist author & philosopher (1913 - 1960)

CP If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of 22, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation.
- Tom Stoppard, British dramatist & screenwriter (1937 - )

CP I take the view, and always have, that if you cannot say what you are going to say in twenty minutes you ought to go away and write a book about it.
- Lord Brabazon, (1884 - 1964)

CP Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.
- Cyril Connolly, (1903 - 1974)

CP A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
- Samuel Goldwyn, US (Polish-born) movie producer (1882 - 1974)

CP As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein, US (German-born) physicist (1879 - 1955)

CP If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves there wouldn't be enough to go around.
- Christina Stead, Australian novelist & short story author (1903 - 1983)

CP Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
- Andy Rooney, US news commentator (1919 - )

CP When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
- Theodore Roosevelt, 26th president of US (1858 - 1919)

CP Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction.
- E. F. Schumacher

CP Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.
- George Bernard Shaw, Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 - 1950)

CP I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
- Solomon Short

CP Pay no attention to what the critics say; there has never been set up a statue in honor of a critic.
- Jean Sibelius, Finnish composer & patriot (1865 - 1957)

CP The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive.
- John Sladek

CP Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!
- Tommy Smothers

CP I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr., US diplomat & Democratic politician (1900 - 1965)

CP A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular.
- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr., US diplomat & Democratic politician (1900 - 1965)

CP Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
- Henrik Tikkanen

CP A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
- Bill Vaughan

CP A witty saying proves nothing.
- Voltaire, French author, humanist, rationalist, & satirist (1694 - 1778)

CP Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
- Voltaire, French author, humanist, rationalist, & satirist (1694 - 1778)

CP Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
- Wernher von Braun, US (German-born) rocket engineer (1912 - 1977)

CP I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
- Joe Walsh

CP Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness?
- Artemus Ward, US humorist (1834 - 1867)

CP In America any boy may become President and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.
- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr., US diplomat & Democratic politician (1900 - 1965)

CP My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
- Orson Welles, US actor & director (1915 - 1985)

CP A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the library.
- Westheimer's Discovery

CP Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
- Oscar Wilde, Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

CP Thats why I was running the debugger, I didn't want it to crash.
- Aaron Wohl

CP Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together ...
- Carl Zwanzig

CP Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing.
- Wernher von Braun, US (German-born) rocket engineer (1912 - 1977)

CP A diplomat... is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
- Caskie Stinnett

CP Senescent judges show how patriotic they are by passing out hard sentences for tearing up a draft card or following one's conscience according to the principles established by our country at the Nuremburg trials.
- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, US (Hungarian-born) biochemist (1893 - 1986)

CP Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
- Ogden Nash, US humorist & poet (1902 - 1971)

CP Eternity's a terrible thought. I mean, where's it all going to end?
- Tom Stoppard, British dramatist & screenwriter (1937 - )

CP I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.
- Alan Watts

CP Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.
- Simeon Strunsky, (1879 - 1948)

CP A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right not only to be right but also to be wrong.
- Thomas Szasz

CP I am at two with nature.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP We are indeed much more than what we eat, but what we eat can nevertheless help us to be much more than what we are.
- Adelle Davis

CP Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought.
- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, US (Hungarian-born) biochemist (1893 - 1986)

CP A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you.
- Bert Leston Taylor

CP Her own mother lived the latter years of her life in the horrible suspicion that electricity was dripping invisibly all over the house.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
- Shirley Temple, US actress, dancer, & diplomat (1928 - )

CP One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
- Nancy Astor, British politician (1879 - 1964)

CP Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them.
- Paul Valery, French critic & poet (1871 - 1945)

CP It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
- Gore Vidal, US author & dramatist (1925 - )

CP Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.
- Billy Wilder, US (Austrian-born) movie director (1906 - 2002)

CP After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.
- Frank Zappa, US musician, singer, & songwriter (1940 - 1993)

CP There are few nudities so objectionable as the naked truth.
- Agnes Repplier, US essayist (1855 - 1950)

CP 1. Never tell everything at once.
- Ken Venturi

CP It is in his pleasure that a man really lives; it is from his leisure that he constructs the true fabric of self.
- Agnes Repplier, US essayist (1855 - 1950)

CP Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.
- Adelle Davis

CP 2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2.
- Grabel's Law

CP A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
- Mark Twain, US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

CP Even God cannot change the past.
- Agathon, (448 BC - 400 BC)

CP I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
- Paula Poundstone

CP A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money.
- Senator Everett Dirksen, US politician (1896 - 1969)

CP A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
- Granville Hicks, (1901 - 1982)

CP It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.
- Margaret Bonnano

CP A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
- Mark Twain, US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 - 1910)

CP A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.
- Ludwig Erhard, German economist & politician (1897 - 1977)

CP A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.
- German Proverb

CP Curious things, habits. People themselves never knew they had them.
- Agatha Christie, English mystery author (1890 - 1976)

CP We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh.
- Agnes Repplier, US essayist (1855 - 1950)

CP A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
- Unknown, Quotations by unknown authors

CP I don't think necessity is the mother of invention - invention, in my opinion, arises directly from idleness, possibly also from laziness. To save oneself trouble.
- Agatha Christie, English mystery author (1890 - 1976)

CP A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.
- G. K. Chesterton, English author & mystery novelist (1874 - 1936)

CP A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw, Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 - 1950)

CP We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them.
- Abigail Adams, US wife of John Adams 1764 (1744 - 1818)

CP Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
- Steven Wright, US comedian and actor (1955 - )

CP A Hospital is no place to be sick.
- Samuel Goldwyn, US (Polish-born) movie producer (1882 - 1974)

CP A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
- H. L. Mencken, US editor (1880 - 1956)

CP A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
- Robert Frost, US poet (1874 - 1963)

CP Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does - except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.
- Abigail Van Buren, US advice columnist (1918 - )

CP I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming that comes when you finish the life of the emotions and of personal relations; and suddenly find - at the age of fifty, say - that a whole new life has opened before you, filled with things you can think about, study, or read about...It is as if a fresh sap of ideas and thoughts was rising in you.
- Agatha Christie, English mystery author (1890 - 1976)

CP A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
- Robert Frost, US poet (1874 - 1963)

CP A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
- George Bernard Shaw, Irish dramatist & socialist (1856 - 1950)

CP A lifetime is more than sufficiently long for people to get what there is of it wrong.
- Piet Hein, Danish designer, physicist, poet, & puzzle inventor (1905 - )

CP A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
- Saki, British (Burman-born) short story author (1870 - 1916)

CP A little more moderation would be good. Of course, my life hasn't exactly been one of moderation.
- Donald Trump, US real estate construction & development businessman (1946 - )

CP I begin to think, that a calm is not desirable in any situation in life....Man was made for action and for bustle too, I believe.
- Abigail Adams, US wife of John Adams 1764 (1744 - 1818)

CP A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
- Fats Domino, US musician, singer, & songwriter (1928 - )

CP After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
- Cato the Elder, Roman orator & politician (234 BC - 149 BC)

CP A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde, Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

CP J.F.K.--The Man and the Airport
- Unknown, Quotations by unknown authors

CP A man thinks that by mouthing hard words he understands hard things.
- Herman Melville, US novelist & sailor (1819 - 1891)

CP A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
- Segal's Law

CP A motion to adjourn is always in order.
- Robert Heinlein, US science fiction author (1907 - 1988)

CP A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes.
- James Feibleman

CP A national debt, if it is not excessive, will be to us a national blessing.
- Alexander Hamilton, US (Scottish-born) lawyer & politician (1755 - 1804)

CP A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
- George Wald, US biologist (1906 - )

CP A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
- Joey Adams

CP A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.
- John Tudor

CP Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
- Thomas A. Edison, US inventor (1847 - 1931)

CP A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
- Joseph Stalin, Georgian Soviet politician (1879 - 1953)

CP A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
- Unknown, Quotations by unknown authors

CP America is a mistake, a giant mistake.
- Sigmund Freud, Austrian psychologist (1856 - 1939)

CP A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.
- Tennessee Williams, US dramatist (1911 - 1983)

CP Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
- Edgar Allan Poe, US short story author, editor, & poet (1809 - 1849)

CP Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.
- Ronald Reagan, 40th president of US (1911 - 2004)

CP Happiness is not something you experience, it's something you remember
- Oscar Levant, (1906 - 1972)

CP Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer, French philosopher & physician (1875 - 1965)

CP My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated, but not signed.
- Christopher Morley, US author & journalist (1890 - 1957)

CP Understand that legal and illegal are political, and often arbitrary, categorizations; use and abuse are medical, or clinical, distinctions.
- Abbie Hoffman, US radical activist (1936 - 1989)

CP Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
- Al Capp, US cartoonist (1909 - 1979)

CP Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
- Ambrose Bierce, US author & satirist (1842 - 1914)

CP It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen, US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 - )

CP Chastity: the most unnatural of the sexual perversions.
- Aldous Huxley, English critic & novelist (1894 - 1963)

CP Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for movie stars.
- Fred Allen, US radio comedian (1894 - 1956)

CP History is a set of lies agreed upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte, French general & politician (1769 - 1821)

CP All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
- Samuel Butler, English composer, novelist, & satiric author (1835 - 1902)

CP Early to rise and early to bed Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead
- James Thurber, US author, cartoonist, humorist, & satirist (1894 - 1961)

CP It is not enough to succeed; others must fail.
- Gore Vidal, US author & dramatist (1925 - )

CP Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
- Steven Wright, US comedian and actor (1955 - )

CP Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard, US author (1856 - 1915)

CP You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt.
- Ed Meese, US politician (1931 - )

CP I'm an idealist: I don't know where I'm going but I'm on my way.
- Carl Sandburg, US biographer & poet (1878 - 1967)

CP Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
- Ambrose Bierce, US author & satirist (1842 - 1914)

CP Let's face it...most relationships you have in life don't work out.
- Alex Bennett

CP Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends
- H. L. Mencken, US editor (1880 - 1956)

CP Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.
- Albert Camus, French existentialist author & philosopher (1913 - 1960)

CP What we call progress is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance.
- Havelock Ellis, English sexual psychologist (1859 - 1939)

CP Men have become the tools of their tools
- Henry David Thoreau, US Transcendentalist author (1817 - 1862)

CP Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
- Quentin Crisp

CP Addresses are given to us to conceal our whereabouts.
- Saki, British (Burman-born) short story author (1870 - 1916)

CP Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
- Groucho Marx, US comedian with Marx Brothers (1890 - 1977)

CP Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at that moment.
- Robert Benchley, US actor, author, & humorist (1889 - 1945)

CP Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.
- Lillian Hellman, US dramatist (1905 - 1984)

CP It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.
- Dick Cavett, US comedian & television host (1936 - )

CP I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
- Bill Cosby, US comedian & television actor (1937 - )

CP It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.
- Al Franken

CP There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first.
- Adela Rogers St. Johns

CP If you want to read about love and marriage, you have to buy two separate books.
- Alan King

CP Dying is easy. Comedy is difficult.
- Actor Edmund Gwenn

CP Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
- Ambrose Bierce, US author & satirist (1842 - 1914)

CP Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms.
- Alan Corenk

CP Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one.
- A.J. Liebling

CP All movements go too far.
- Bertrand Russell, British author, mathematician, & philosopher (1872 - 1970)

CP How could I lose to such an idiot?
- A shout from chess grandmaster Aaron Nimzovich

CP I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.
- Nancy Reagan, US 2nd wife of Ronald Reagan 1952 (1921 - )

CP Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
- Stephen Leacock, Canadian economist & humorist (1869 - 1944)

CP Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
- Napoleon Bonaparte, French general & politician (1769 - 1821)

CP Vote early and vote often.
- Al Capone, US gangster (1899 - 1947)

CP Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
- Fred Allen, US radio comedian (1894 - 1956)

CP What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
- Fred Allen, US radio comedian (1894 - 1956)