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Quotes by Johnny Carson

US comedian & television host (1925 - 2005)

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry - that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three-Mile Island.

The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."

Who could follow Carson? Well, believe me, somebody can - and will.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

I knew a man who gave up smoking, drinking, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

CP For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

CP Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.

CP If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.