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Quotes by Erma Bombeck

US author & humorist (1927 - 1996)

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

I told you I was sick.

Worry is like a rocking chair: It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend-and he's a priest.

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.