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Quotes by Emo Phillips

US comedian

Women! Ya can't live with 'em and ya can't get 'em to wear skimpy little Nazi outfits.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

CP At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

Weh I was a kid I prayed every night for a bike until I figured out that that's not the way that God works, so I stole a bike and then asked him for forgiveness.

People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.