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Quotes by Calvin Trillin

US columnist (1935 - )

I don't care where I sit, as long as I get fed.

The average trade book has a shelf life of between milk and yogurt, except for books by any member of the Irving Wallace family - they have preservatives.

Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.

Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place.

Marriage is part of a sort of 50's revival package that's back in vogue along with neckties and naked ambition.

Before I go out to take a picture of someone, I just stop at the city desk and say, 'Do you want him gazing out toward the sunset or picking his nose?'

Health food makes me sick.

In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses.

CP The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.